Trip - Transformation
"The struggle is always worthwhile, if the end be worthwhile and the means honorable; foreknowledge of defeat is not sufficient reason to withdraw from the contest." Steven Brust
In 2015 I was graduating from Westminster College with a chemistry degree. At this point I had decided I was not interested in working in the chemical industry, and had decided teaching was my best option. I loved chemistry and since high school had considered being a chemistry teacher. Since I was graduating without a teaching degree I had to decide if I was going to try alternate route or forego entering teaching for another year in order to complete a masters program. By a chance search on the internet I discovered the Mississippi Teacher Corps (MTC). It seemed too good to be true and, honestly, I thought it might be a scam. I decided to apply though.
One skype interview and many joyous tears later, I accepted my position in the class of 2015. I was overjoyed. I was telling everyone about moving to Mississippi and starting my teaching career. I couldn’t have been more excited about this program, but I was also terrified. Moving to Mississippi where I knew literally no one, was a hard pill to swallow. Even scarier, I would be in culture like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was like a dream that I would be going to a place like this, and I was eager but hesitant.
So May 2015 brought college graduation and a big move down to the University of Mississippi. I hugged my mother goodbye and was put into the classroom within a week, and I was so out of my element. I stood in front of the class (of my peers) shaking. I was mortified and almost instantly unsure of my decision. Was I really cut out for this? Could I make it as a teacher? Would my students ever learn anything? We were watched everyday we taught my first summer and a lot of my feedback was about lack of confidence. One teacher told me directly that I was “the most boring teacher in this classroom.” I have never been called a boring person but I was so out of my element. When I went home after those first six weeks, I told my friends I didn’t know how my class would turn out, but I was hoping for the best.
I started at West Point in August of 2015. I was a nervous wreck. I got up and stood in front of every class but I was terrified. My voice and hands both shook almost uncontrollably. I knew I had a long journey ahead but had no idea what to expect. I went through the first semester struggling to keep my heads above water. My students ran me over because I wasn’t consistent and had a hard time deciding how I wanted to organize and run my classroom. I constantly struggled to keep my students quiet and working. I was able to teach, but I knew the students weren’t learning what they needed to because I wasn’t able to keep them focused and quiet. I finally grasped it pretty well by the end of the first semester. We were at a point that the students knew exactly what my classroom procedures were but it was still a struggle at times.
When my first year came to a close, I was exhausted. I had been pushed to my limit. I had struggled with management all year. I knew all of the work I had put into lessons still hadn’t ensured that my students mastered all of the standards. I was worn down and I felt like I failed the students I had. No one had been hurt on my watch, but they did not get the education that I wanted them to receive. I was disappointed and still unsure that this career path was for me. I loved what I was doing. These kids had my heart and they are the reason I dragged myself to work even when I didn’t even think I could get out of bed. They made my days bright even through the struggles. They were the reason I wanted to keep going. I knew I was going to continue my career as a teacher, I just didn’t know if I would ever be good enough at it.
Something happened the summer following my first year. I was back at summer school for the first two weeks and everything was just clicking. After the first summer being so unsure, timid, and down right scared, this time was a breeze. I got closer to some of the students in two weeks than I had gotten to any of the students I spent the whole summer with the previous year. Teaching was easier, management was easier, and I just felt like a confident teacher. I was laughing and being silly with students during class and I was being myself. I knew I had become more of my own person in the classroom as the year progressed at West Point but I didn’t know how much I had embraced that persona until summer school.
Fast forward through the summer to my second year at West Point. I switched a lot of procedures from the year before that I didn’t really utilize correctly. I realized my second year that I knew what my expectations were in my classroom now. My first year everyone else told me what would work in my classroom. The research said I needed to do this, this, and this in order for my classroom to run efficiently. I tried to implement those things in my class, but my teaching and organization styles weren’t conducive to these strategies. My second year I knew what I expected and I help my students to those expectations. I have classes that are quiet and willing to work. I let them go on independent practice and they work on it, ask questions, and really grasp what I’m teaching.
I’m by no means an expert this year though. I have days when I’m ready to pull my hair out. I had a fight in my class on Valentine’s Day and I’ve still had students who are unwilling to work. I struggle to keep some students engaged and I have days when I realize I haven’t taught a lesson as well as I should have. I had to reteach a whole unit after giving a test and realizing none of my student understood the content. I still have work to do. I’m planning on reworking my chemistry curriculum this summer and also looking at my last two physics units in my physical science curriculum.
I know that teaching will always be a struggle. This ride that I’m on in this bus will constantly have obstacles to overcome. I know that this will forever be a challenge, but I also know I don’t ever want to do anything else. The students that I teach become so near and dear to my heart. They inspire me and make me laugh and challenge my views on life. Everyday 10 bad things can happen, and yet when just one good thing happens it makes everything seem right. This job brings me so much joy and happiness. I have days when I leave in a bad mood, or rush to get out of the building (especially on Fridays), but I can't tell you the number of times I have left and knew the only place I wanted to be was at a game. Back supporting those kids who may have given me hell all day, but who I care about so much. Dar Huey, an education professor from Westminster College used to tell his students to "give every child a fresh start everyday." I've never let those words leave my mind at the start of each day, because I know whatever happened the day before should have no influence. I try to wipe it from my mind and give every student the benefit that they can come in and make it a great day. Teaching makes my heart happy, and I'm so excited to see the journeys that this bus will find in its future.
"Happiness isn't the reward we retrieve after a long struggle. It arrives daily, in those clear moments when our hears are tender, pricked by the embrace of a loved one, the beauty of a single flower, the majesty of the world in which we are central. Look over your shoulder at how far you've come and all the good things you've experienced and that is when you will see the smiling face of happiness." Toni Sorenson
In 2015 I was graduating from Westminster College with a chemistry degree. At this point I had decided I was not interested in working in the chemical industry, and had decided teaching was my best option. I loved chemistry and since high school had considered being a chemistry teacher. Since I was graduating without a teaching degree I had to decide if I was going to try alternate route or forego entering teaching for another year in order to complete a masters program. By a chance search on the internet I discovered the Mississippi Teacher Corps (MTC). It seemed too good to be true and, honestly, I thought it might be a scam. I decided to apply though.
One skype interview and many joyous tears later, I accepted my position in the class of 2015. I was overjoyed. I was telling everyone about moving to Mississippi and starting my teaching career. I couldn’t have been more excited about this program, but I was also terrified. Moving to Mississippi where I knew literally no one, was a hard pill to swallow. Even scarier, I would be in culture like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was like a dream that I would be going to a place like this, and I was eager but hesitant.
So May 2015 brought college graduation and a big move down to the University of Mississippi. I hugged my mother goodbye and was put into the classroom within a week, and I was so out of my element. I stood in front of the class (of my peers) shaking. I was mortified and almost instantly unsure of my decision. Was I really cut out for this? Could I make it as a teacher? Would my students ever learn anything? We were watched everyday we taught my first summer and a lot of my feedback was about lack of confidence. One teacher told me directly that I was “the most boring teacher in this classroom.” I have never been called a boring person but I was so out of my element. When I went home after those first six weeks, I told my friends I didn’t know how my class would turn out, but I was hoping for the best.
I started at West Point in August of 2015. I was a nervous wreck. I got up and stood in front of every class but I was terrified. My voice and hands both shook almost uncontrollably. I knew I had a long journey ahead but had no idea what to expect. I went through the first semester struggling to keep my heads above water. My students ran me over because I wasn’t consistent and had a hard time deciding how I wanted to organize and run my classroom. I constantly struggled to keep my students quiet and working. I was able to teach, but I knew the students weren’t learning what they needed to because I wasn’t able to keep them focused and quiet. I finally grasped it pretty well by the end of the first semester. We were at a point that the students knew exactly what my classroom procedures were but it was still a struggle at times.
When my first year came to a close, I was exhausted. I had been pushed to my limit. I had struggled with management all year. I knew all of the work I had put into lessons still hadn’t ensured that my students mastered all of the standards. I was worn down and I felt like I failed the students I had. No one had been hurt on my watch, but they did not get the education that I wanted them to receive. I was disappointed and still unsure that this career path was for me. I loved what I was doing. These kids had my heart and they are the reason I dragged myself to work even when I didn’t even think I could get out of bed. They made my days bright even through the struggles. They were the reason I wanted to keep going. I knew I was going to continue my career as a teacher, I just didn’t know if I would ever be good enough at it.
Something happened the summer following my first year. I was back at summer school for the first two weeks and everything was just clicking. After the first summer being so unsure, timid, and down right scared, this time was a breeze. I got closer to some of the students in two weeks than I had gotten to any of the students I spent the whole summer with the previous year. Teaching was easier, management was easier, and I just felt like a confident teacher. I was laughing and being silly with students during class and I was being myself. I knew I had become more of my own person in the classroom as the year progressed at West Point but I didn’t know how much I had embraced that persona until summer school.
Fast forward through the summer to my second year at West Point. I switched a lot of procedures from the year before that I didn’t really utilize correctly. I realized my second year that I knew what my expectations were in my classroom now. My first year everyone else told me what would work in my classroom. The research said I needed to do this, this, and this in order for my classroom to run efficiently. I tried to implement those things in my class, but my teaching and organization styles weren’t conducive to these strategies. My second year I knew what I expected and I help my students to those expectations. I have classes that are quiet and willing to work. I let them go on independent practice and they work on it, ask questions, and really grasp what I’m teaching.
I’m by no means an expert this year though. I have days when I’m ready to pull my hair out. I had a fight in my class on Valentine’s Day and I’ve still had students who are unwilling to work. I struggle to keep some students engaged and I have days when I realize I haven’t taught a lesson as well as I should have. I had to reteach a whole unit after giving a test and realizing none of my student understood the content. I still have work to do. I’m planning on reworking my chemistry curriculum this summer and also looking at my last two physics units in my physical science curriculum.
I know that teaching will always be a struggle. This ride that I’m on in this bus will constantly have obstacles to overcome. I know that this will forever be a challenge, but I also know I don’t ever want to do anything else. The students that I teach become so near and dear to my heart. They inspire me and make me laugh and challenge my views on life. Everyday 10 bad things can happen, and yet when just one good thing happens it makes everything seem right. This job brings me so much joy and happiness. I have days when I leave in a bad mood, or rush to get out of the building (especially on Fridays), but I can't tell you the number of times I have left and knew the only place I wanted to be was at a game. Back supporting those kids who may have given me hell all day, but who I care about so much. Dar Huey, an education professor from Westminster College used to tell his students to "give every child a fresh start everyday." I've never let those words leave my mind at the start of each day, because I know whatever happened the day before should have no influence. I try to wipe it from my mind and give every student the benefit that they can come in and make it a great day. Teaching makes my heart happy, and I'm so excited to see the journeys that this bus will find in its future.
"Happiness isn't the reward we retrieve after a long struggle. It arrives daily, in those clear moments when our hears are tender, pricked by the embrace of a loved one, the beauty of a single flower, the majesty of the world in which we are central. Look over your shoulder at how far you've come and all the good things you've experienced and that is when you will see the smiling face of happiness." Toni Sorenson